While I might not necessarily agree with the Facebook poster who stood at a gas station waiting for a “gentleman” to open the door; I think that’s game-playing, I do agree that chivalry had better not be dead. Okay, unless it’s part of the interview process, just standing there waiting seems like a waste of time, but even if it is part of that process, that may not be the best way.
Manners should be a no-brainer. Courtesy should be force-of-habit. Just because you’re on the freakin’ cell phone doesn’t relieve you of the responsibility to drive safely, or signal, or not do things that endanger others. Sure, I totally understand how absolutely essential it is for you to have that discussion at that particular time. You’re busy; you’re important. I get that.
If you are both that busy and that important, then you’re probably affluent enough to afford a good Bluetooth headset. Use it. No, it’s not going to help you REMEMBER to signal, but it will at least allow you to have both hands on the steering wheel just in case you decide to.
At meetings, I see lots of people park their iPhone or Blackberry on the table as they sit down. Is that, too, a signal that you are busy and important? Does it maybe tell the other person that either they are less important than whomever might call on your phone, or maybe that you haven’t decided yet? Does it mean that you really have nowhere else to store your phone? That you hold it in your hand whenever you’re on the move?
Or is it that you want people to know that you have the latest gadget, because that’s indicative of success? I leave my phone on vibrate, in the holster. I might glance down at it if it goes off, and I try to resist the urge, but I never answer it. If you glance down, you’re just checking for an emergency call/text. I understand that, but if you answer the call, the caller just became more important than the person you’re sitting with. Really?
Sometimes they are. Then what? Do you take the call at the table or do you get up? Since I don’t take non-emergency calls when I’m meeting with someone, I’m not sure. If was an emergency, I’d probably sit there and talk. I did have a client that kept calling me while I was in a meeting, once. I finally excused myself and sent her a pre-stored text saying, “in a meeting…urgent?” I apologized and resumed the meeting.
I tell my family and clients, if it’s urgent; text. That way, I can see the urgent matter without having to take a phone call. I realize that it’s a fine distinction, and maybe that’s not the right answer either. Perhaps the right answer is to pretend that you’re meeting with a client that’s about to buy/sign/commit/whatever. Would you bring a halt to the sales process to answer the phone? I hope not. If you’ve got the momentum going to close the sale and you stop, maybe you’ve just broken the mood by telling the client that his business is not so important to you after all.
Good manners definitely include holding the door; for men or women. That woman you just held the door for, guys, might be your next client/customer/boss. That older man who was having trouble with the door that you helped might own the company. So might that nerdy 20-something that you helped by picking up stuff he was dropping.
Good manners might mean the consideration that whatever it is you’re doing, actually might not be as important as what the next guy is going, so maybe he really does need to be next in line, get the closer parking space (would it kill you to walk?), put his order in first. Courtesy is NEVER the wrong thing to do. Even if the other person doesn’t deserve it. You just made yourself the better person by being courteous.
“Please”, “thank-you”, holding the door, sending a follow-up note/email/whatever; these things should all be common sense, and should not be the exception, but the norm.
Well, now you know how old I am.
